Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
