So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
