It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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