hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
