If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
