can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
