Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
