At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
