just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
