i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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