well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
