would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The uberlube is also flammable
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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