I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
