When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Actions speak louder than pants.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
