Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
