Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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