Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
