i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Are we still banned from the library?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
