4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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