talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
