what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sorry about my life...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
