Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
