I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
