Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
