what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
