Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
