Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
