I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
True college students do jello shots in the library
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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