It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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