There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
