he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
