Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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