Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
