my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
