I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We just shotgunned beers for America
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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