He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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