Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
