Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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