Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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