Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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