The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
