ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
