Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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