He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
