my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
