My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
