32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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