I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize