I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
