why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
