I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
