I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
