At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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