We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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