OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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