I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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