dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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