I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
