oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
