I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
