when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
