Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
