Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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