there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
