When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
