I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
