but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
