Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
