I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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