Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
