Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
