He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
