My underwear smells like fireworks.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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