i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
